Today was a hard day for me. Not for any particular reason, just had a lot… well someone on my mind. It made me stop to ponder this question; can two people who are truly in love be just friends?

I think we as females, (to be politically correct, I should say some or most) tend to lie to others, as well as ourselves when it comes to making it seem as if we are alright when we have to let go of someone we care about. It could be a mutual breakup, a bitter dispute, or all out warfare between you and your significant other that caused the breakup, but we always go for the ”I’m cool, we’re still friends”, “I don’t care, he wasn’t worth it”, or the all time top lie of lies, ”fuck him, I never really liked/loved him no way”. Either way you phrase it, it’s just a way to cover up the fact that you do love him, and will miss him regardless. (That is unless you were dating a straight up asshole and needed to get out of the relationship.) Sometimes we are just like men. We don’t always like to show our feelings and get emotional about our relationships.

But, back to my point, when you are at the “we’re still friends” phase, are the two of you really just friends? I think if you were truly head over heels, over the moon and across the ocean in love with a person, and nothing ”bad” happened to make you part ways, there is no way that the two of you are ”just friends” You’re simply just two people in love who are not together and fighting ever so hard every time you speak, to not breakdown and start confessing your love for one another all over again, for whatever reason the two of you have to avoid being together.

Not sure know if this applies to you or your ”friend”? Here are some general signs and symptoms of Just Friends Disorder:

-one or both of you have a new significant other, and you display or bring up his/her name or photo as much as you can, anywhere you can, as much as you can.

This is called, ”convincing” or ”reminding” yourself who in fact it is that you are supposed to be thinking of, dreaming of, and loving the most, when in fact, it’s your ”friend”

-slipping up and calling the new significant other the “friend’s” name in any given situation.

Self explanatory. If you’re getting names mixed up, you can obviously tell who’s on your brain the most, especially if you don’t even talk to said friend as much as you used to. Hopefully the two names are kinda similar so you can try to get away with it.

-if you are jealous or mad anytime your “friend” has time to chill with you or call you, but doesn’t, because they don’t respond to you calls or texts promptly if at all, or because you KNOW they are spending time with someone other than you, and they make sure you know about it.

Things between the two of you start to turn into a competition. If he/she makes you jealous, even without knowing that they’re doing it, you have to retaliate. If you know they went to the movies, you make sure you go with someone, and you make sure they know about it. Tit for Tat, emotional paintball wars…

-a song comes on that makes you think of that “friend” and you end up getting all emotional or start walking down memory lane.

Scent & audio are two senses that are directly linked to long term memory. If you were with that person or talking to that person while a certain song was playing, or they had a certain cologne or perfume they always wore, every time you encounter the scent or song, they will pop in your head. Hell, even a song that matches your relationship or situation will trigger something.

Seems crazy, right? I know, but love makes people crazy. I don’t think a person has ever been in love if they’ve never acted a little crazy due to the person they love. And when I say a little crazy, I’m not talking stalking type crazy. If you’re on that level, you just need help.

Hello everyone…

I know some of you are wondering where the hell I’ve been, I know that others really haven’t noticed and probably don’t give a shit.

Anywhoo… I’ve been working my ass off and going to school faithfully and whole heartedly. Plus my fricken computer broke down on me and I refuse to get it fixed. I’m hoping to get a laptop somewhere down the road. I miss my site, and I miss keeping up with those acquaintances that have blogs I used to frequent daily. Maybe I’ll get one soon.

As I was saying, I was working. Back in October my family and I found out that my grandmother had colon cancer. She was in and out of the hospital all the way through mid November when she had surgery to remove the cancer. The doctors had given us a catch 22 on her diagnosis. They told us that her lungs and heart were both bad and that she a) wouldn’t make it through the surgery due to the bad heart or b) would make it bout would possibly have to stay on a ventilator because her lungs may not be able to function on their own after the surgery. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t huh? By the grace of God, she made it through the surgery without any complications. Unfortunately, less than a week later, she got sick while she was in the hospital. Fluid on her lungs, possibility the cancer had spread to her kidneys, and pneumonia. She was in so much pain, was so weak, and for a while we thought she wouldn’t make it. She did get better though. As far as the cancer spreading, we to this day, do not know for sure. There was no way possible that we would let her go through another surgery and series of test just to see if it had or hadn’t. She’s doing fine now though. She’s been living in Muskegon with my aunt and her family because she basically needs 24 hour care. That’s something I didn’t have the ability to do.

So, that is the reason I WAS working. So, all this month, I haven’t had to work. This is something I’m not excited about like others would be. I have rent and bills that I need to pay. Womp. I guess it’s not all that bad though. School is going great. I have a solid A average and damn near perfect attendance. I have about 2 weeks left before I start my 6 week externship. So it won’t be long before I am a CMA (certified medical assistant) and I’m sure I’ll find a job shortly after graduation. I’m hoping to go back to school to become a RN (registered nurse) but at this moment I have no idea how I’ll manage to work and go to school and take care of all my other responsibilities at the same time all over again. It damn near drove me crazy. I guess where’s there’s a will, there’s a way…right?

For those who are inquiring about my love life, u wouldn’t say it sucks, but it’s kind of blah. After all this run around with you-know-who, I decided right now we should just be friends. I’ve been super busy, and I think he’s more dedicated to the thought of me being with him forever than he is to actually being with me, period. I told him he should marinate on that thought before I jump back into a serious relationship with him. Until then, I am happily single. It’s not like he doesn’t get to see me every damn day anyway. 7 out of 10 people believe we’ll end up married. Eh, my views on marriage have been halted for a while, so I doubt that. I enjoy his friendship at the moment. The thought of knowing he’d take me back in a second, or will still do anything for me helps the situation to. I kinda feel as if I’m having my cake and eating it too. Hey, I deserve it…