how can i like somebody for months on end, and it goes no further than casual flirting and friendly conversation? you obviously not checking for me like that, so why when I move on, you all of a sudden want my time and attention acting all cutesy and gettin salty when i’m not beat for it?

how don’t i even know you like me PERIOD, then all of a sudden you see me checkin’ for somebody else, THEN you breakin out confessing your love for me?

wait…what?
gtsoh.

Ex boyfriends and shit comin out the woodworks claimin they miss me, they love me, want me back, and are sorry for everything they put me through.

nigga, why now? is this a test?

any time somebody has my attention they don’t want it. soon as it’s not there anymore they jumpin through hoops, acting jealous and bitching trying to get it.

contrary to popular belief and against all gay acts and school girl giggling. i am indeed single. but i’m happy. i have no idea what’s going on but i don’t mind it. i just want people to leave me thee hell alone with all this out of nowhereness before you fuck me up and mess upwhat i got goin on whilst i am doing me.

so hey, fuck YOU, you, (you’re cool), and motherFUCK you.
stop blowing up my phone/email/text/smoke signals.

mkthxbai!

Pam Beesly : mad i’m up right now. i feel so stupid with a mix of other emotions. God must be testing me, yo. This has gotta be a test of my character.
Pam Beesly: this has gotta be proof of my strength and my good heart and i swear all my loving and kind ways better pay off for me in the end.
Pam Beesly: cause i’m bout tired of beng taken advantage of and bein’ bullshitted by people for no damn reason.

this is why…

dion (4/11/2009 5:07:00 AM): What’s testing you
nesa (4/11/2009 5:09:11 AM): Man..
nesa (4/11/2009 5:10:17 AM): Lil’ before 4 something my phone starts blowin up.I don’t even check to see who it is, i just stop the ringetone, roll over and go to sleep. After about the 5th time, I look and its my ex.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:11:57 AM): I find it odd that he of all people would be calling me especially since we haven’t spoken at all in almost 5 months. I still send it to voicemail the next few times. He finally leaves a message and he’s saying it’s an emergency and to call him back.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:14:08 AM): He sounded a lil fucked up, so I call him back to see if he’s okay. He tells me he needs me to come pick him up and take him to the hospital cause his chest was hurting, he couldn’t breathe and a bunch of other shit, so i get up, get my shit on, get my daughter up, and get my dad up so i could take her over there.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:15:36 AM): i go all the way on one side of town to drop her off, another side to stop by his house and get his insurance card and a change of clothes and shit, then gotta run all the way to a different side of town to get to his moms cause that’s where he was.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:16:26 AM): the whole time he’s callin me every 5 – 10 minutes on the dot to make sure i’m comin and shit. when i finally tell him i’m on my way, he stops callin.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:17:15 AM): it took me 15 minutes from the last time i spoke to him, to get to his mom’s house. I get there and I call his cell like 5 times, call the house like 3, and i knock and ring the doorbell and i get NO answer at all.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:17:17 AM):
dion (4/11/2009 5:18:20 AM): Your heart is too pure
dion (4/11/2009 5:18:23 AM): I swear
nesa (4/11/2009 5:18:49 AM): But like, wtf was the point of all this.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:19:41 AM): was it a test or something. i ain’t spoke to him in any way shape form or fashion since like december and shit. and when we ran into each other a few months ago, we walked past each other and kept goin like we were strangers
nesa (4/11/2009 5:20:51 AM): so if this was a test, wtf is the point. why now, why out the blue like that. cause i know he not passed out, i know he aint dead, i just got a feelin i was bullshitted tough. aint no way he fell asleep that quick or somethin.
dion (4/11/2009 5:21:20 AM): Too good of a heart
dion (4/11/2009 5:21:30 AM): Fck niggas f’real
nesa (4/11/2009 5:22:02 AM): I just don’t get it, yo.
dion (4/11/2009 5:22:44 AM): Either he sadistic and tested ya ass or it was all just to say “yea she love me” type shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:23:18 AM): why at 4 in the damn morning tho, knowin i gotta get my baby out the bed
nesa (4/11/2009 5:23:29 AM): why after all these months
nesa (4/11/2009 5:24:00 AM): shit pisses me off knowin i got myself, my kid, and my dad up at 4 in the fuckin morning for some bullshit.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:24:20 AM): then i feel stupid cause i actually did it without hesitation.
dion (4/11/2009 5:25:15 AM): Do you still love dude
nesa (4/11/2009 5:26:22 AM): Of course I do. Dude was my fiance. but I’m not in love with him no more.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:26:57 AM): i don’t even know if i love him as much as it is that i have love for him
dion (4/11/2009 5:27:27 AM): Okay…and you guys split because…
nesa (4/11/2009 5:28:09 AM): because we were on two different pages and seemed like we were going in opposite directions, wanting different things.
dion (4/11/2009 5:28:54 AM): Hmm I understand
dion (4/11/2009 5:31:24 AM): I can’t even tell you to not be amped
dion (4/11/2009 5:31:36 AM): You are owed more than an explanation
nesa (4/11/2009 5:32:01 AM): i don’t even think im mad
nesa (4/11/2009 5:32:13 AM): im like, honestly hurt if anything. and i feel stupid
dion (4/11/2009 5:32:29 AM): Hmm I would be too
dion (4/11/2009 5:32:49 AM): Well not hurt but pissed
nesa (4/11/2009 5:33:32 AM): i think im hurt because i don’t understand the shit
dion (4/11/2009 5:42:50 AM): -.- what happened to you was full fishdicks
nesa (4/11/2009 5:43:23 AM): yeah. kinda fucked me up.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:43:50 AM): especially talkin to him and having to be concerned about him
dion (4/11/2009 5:44:14 AM): thats some “whenever we meet again” type shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:44:58 AM): like, i know what meds he take, what he’s allergic to, i know his primary doctor’s number, all his medical conditions, medical history and shit.
dion (4/11/2009 5:45:27 AM): DAYUM!
nesa (4/11/2009 5:45:36 AM): exactly
dion (4/11/2009 5:46:00 AM): you not only took care of the penis…you know what shampoo that makes his ball hairs nice
dion (4/11/2009 5:46:02 AM): pause
nesa (4/11/2009 5:46:19 AM): yeah, i knew a lotta shit about him
nesa (4/11/2009 5:46:53 AM): knew how to get in the crib and everything to get to all his shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:47:37 AM): guess it brought up old emotions
dion (4/11/2009 5:47:53 AM): damn she had the secret key to the secret key that was located by the sniper that is protected by a bear and rupaul
dion (4/11/2009 5:48:10 AM): pause
nesa (4/11/2009 5:48:15 AM): ion like people playin on my emotions
dion (4/11/2009 5:48:22 AM): damn
nesa (4/11/2009 5:48:34 AM): especially when they know imma care about their well being
dion (4/11/2009 5:49:00 AM): -tells ___ to fall over a rock…takes photo of it
dion (4/11/2009 5:49:11 AM): knee-suh come quick -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:20 AM): lol
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:38 AM): -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:42 AM): shut up.
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:01 AM): shit when i hurt my hand you better drive and be there
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:08 AM): i need someone to pass me muh dranks
nesa (4/11/2009 5:56:18 AM): pffft -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:56:34 AM): get bendy straws mah nigga
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:48 AM): -.- if i was __________ . . . .
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:58 AM): -wheelchairs away
nesa (4/11/2009 5:57:20 AM): you would be in good hands :]

after getting some rest, i was over it. just another test of how great of a person i am, i suppose.
i would just like to thank all the dickheads and assholes, fuck ups and bullshitters who have come in and out of my life because you have done nothing but make me a stronger, more loving, and kinder person. I think you want to be bitter, but instead you all make me better. i’m sure it will pay off for me and the person who ends up actually deserving it in the end.

good night. :]

-change that damn ringtone. everything means EVERYTHING…
-my vids get captured at the worst frames :(
-just laugh at people
-love those in your life, fuck the others
-look out for those you care about
-i fucking love ME
-stop the idle thoughts
-live life, things will fall in place
-ex fucked me up, but i’m good now. i have closure…

Nah, this nigga y’all talking about, I don’t know him.
So we couldn’t be talking about the same person.
I can see where y’all comin from
I’m stingy, but im not a bitch. I’m actually very understanding.
Don’t know what was said or told to you so…
I won’t discredit your emotions or feelings, but you can’t have mine
Cuz you don’t know shit.

Yep. Take another sip of my peach tea…
Bic runga – drive; repeated.
Turn it down low and let the words lull me off to sleep.

Lmao.
PLEASE.

“I see you back to actin like a nigga again”

Excuse you? Okay, okay…
You know, I won’t even trip because, I know I never really think within the same mind frame as most females. I barely get along with females. (yeah, every chick says that right?) but 95% of the time, I hear or see a female do some shit and I just wanna curse em the hell out. I mean, everybody does dumb shit, this we all know. But I mean, some things that people tell me are “normal” female actions or ways of thinking, I don’t get it. Or some of the females I encounter, complain tome about things and I’m like, fuck is the problem?

Examples…

- “I’m tired of him, all he do is lay around the house and play xbox”

Uh, so tf what? He has a job, takes care of his business and treats you good. You mad cuz he actually STAYS in the house with you? Stfu. Learn to play with him.

- “As soon as his boys call, he just up and leave”

Well, he always with you, right? Spends ample amounts of time with you, right? Okay.. Can his nuts get some wind under em? Just like you need “me” time, he needs “he” time.

- ”I’m so tired of him lookin’ at every bitch he see when we out”

Stfu, He lookin. Every nigga like ass and tits. Its gonna happen. He aint gawkin, he ain’t droolin, he just takin a peek. Plus he with you. Ain’t like he givin her the eye and tryin to holla at her. Trust me, her eyes are the last thing he lookin at. And stop actin like you don’t be peepin ol dude with the butter cream complexion and the waves when he walk by. You just more sneaky with your shit.

- “How hard is it for him to just call or text me?”

True. It takes all of 5 seconds to hit somebody up just to let them know you’re in their thoughts. But WHY does he need to keep in contact with you every hour on the hour? If you’ve spoken to him 1-2 times already, then hush.

- “Every time I tell him I love him, he act like he don’t want to say it back”

Bitch, that’s because every time you breathe you got to say it and every time he open his mouth you thinking he supposed to say it. All that I love you every time somebody enters or leaves a room is unnecessary. I think anyone who feels the need to do that, or needs to hear it all the time is insecure in their relationship and needs that as validation to convince them that he does love them.

I don’t know. Some of you females need to be kicked in the neck. Never satisfied with shit, then wonder why he gets tired of your ass..

Now, next topic that goes back to that 1st comment…

I was told that I act like my friends. One a male, one a female. “I used to get y’all confused” and “you act just like him. You always did, but then you stopped, but I see you back to it”

wtf, nigga stfu :blank:

Some times I feel like, if I had balls and a shaft, I’d be him. Which is scary in a way, lol. I’d probably be less crazy though. But point is, your real friends, you end up being friends, end up real close, because y’all have a lot of shit in common right? Think alike, act a little alike, like and dislike the same shit for the most part, right? “Yeah” he responds, so wtf? Why tell me I need to be myself. Isn’t that what I’ve been doing? I hope you choke on air. No friend having ass nigga. “I just keep to myself, people don’t get me” ass nigga.

Speaking of friends, I had a convo with one of mine, and the topic of relationships came up. Not being in one, but being fresh out of one and bitches and niggas treat you like fresh meat. Happy as shit for you to be back on the market. Couldn’t wait for me to change my myspace status to “single”. Did you have a fucking alert for that shit? And don’t come to me on no “aww, nesa nooo…what happened?” nigga you don’t care. You just wanna spark up random convo to try to ease back in there. We weren’t all that cool to begin with pimp. Give me some space. All of you who have pressed up one me within these past few week, you annoy me. Why do you think you get ignored? Why do you think I changed the subject? If I’ve walked away from you in the middle of a convo, why do you not get the point? Stop lowkey stalking me. I’m supposed to believe we check our mail at the same time everyday? Why you always outside around the same time I take my daughter outside to wait for the bus? YEEN got no kid. What are you doinggggg? No, I don’t wanna be your phone buddy. You aint had my number all this time, you aint getting it now. We didn’t chill before, what is different now? When imma be yours? NEVER. Shit. I was just in a serious ass relationship that went to shit. What makes you think I want to dive right into another one? I guess the fact that I want to get married and have more kids and buy a house out by the lake, makes niggas think I’m in a rush to do so. I wasn’t even rushing the nigga I was with into any of that. I questioned it, I had my reasons, but I wasn’t trying to roll out the red carpet and flowers. So please, do not get it twisted. My life doesn’t revolve around a relationship. I have people that love me and I can get attention from said people so I do not need yours. You are not a lion, I am not a gazelle. Please do not try to pounce on me. And what in the hot hell, makes any of you think, or even have the AUDACITY to think I want to discuss anything sexual in any way, shape, form, or fashion with you? Do you not realize I’ve been sexing the same person for years? You think imma just bunny hop on the next pole heading south? Gtfoh. I can do without. Most of you are walking sacks of STD’s anyway. I’d rather not, thanks.

You people annoy me. What were you doing while I was handcuffed? Whatever it was, go back to it. Thanks.