Nesa Nique » Love http://www.nesa-nique.net Just another WordPress weblog Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:50:57 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 en hourly 1 wait…what? http://www.nesa-nique.net/waitwhat/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/waitwhat/#comments Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:58:07 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=186 Why is it that when you are happy, minding your own business without a care in the world, ever tom, dick, and harry all of a sudden wants to claim they like you, miss you, love you?

how can i like somebody for months on end, and it goes no further than casual flirting and friendly conversation? you obviously not checking for me like that, so why when I move on, you all of a sudden want my time and attention acting all cutesy and gettin salty when i’m not beat for it?

how don’t i even know you like me PERIOD, then all of a sudden you see me checkin’ for somebody else, THEN you breakin out confessing your love for me?

wait…what?
gtsoh.

Ex boyfriends and shit comin out the woodworks claimin they miss me, they love me, want me back, and are sorry for everything they put me through.

nigga, why now? is this a test?

any time somebody has my attention they don’t want it. soon as it’s not there anymore they jumpin through hoops, acting jealous and bitching trying to get it.

contrary to popular belief and against all gay acts and school girl giggling. i am indeed single. but i’m happy. i have no idea what’s going on but i don’t mind it. i just want people to leave me thee hell alone with all this out of nowhereness before you fuck me up and mess upwhat i got goin on whilst i am doing me.

so hey, fuck YOU, you, (you’re cool), and motherFUCK you.
stop blowing up my phone/email/text/smoke signals.

mkthxbai!

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/waitwhat/feed/ 2 ladeeda ^_^ http://www.nesa-nique.net/ladeeda-_/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/ladeeda-_/#comments Sun, 31 May 2009 20:12:00 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=184 The best things that can ever happen to you, are those things you never saw coming. The ones you didn’t plan, want to fight off, but don’t. The ones that are so easy that you move them right along, have no idea what’s going on, but oddly you don’t care.

i just don’t question anything any more. 9 times out of 10 now, if i have to think on something too long, i just do the opposite of it and throw caution to the wind. Granted after it’s said and done, for a split second i go “did i just do\say that -.-”

seems to be working though. i’m a lot more happy lately. Life is easier when you just don’t care to stress, question, or over analyze things.

er..
the whole moving thing…
after looking at local real estate, i don’t think i want to move any more lol. well, not out of michigan that is.
the job market is opening back up, tuition is dropping, and cost of living is just OD cheap lol.
$1500 a month and i can get a three bedroom two bath condo with a fire place, upstairs, downstairs, and basement. uhm, yeah. if you can’t do better than that. i’m cool.

been looking around for jobs, but im trying to figure out how the hell imm go on interviews without getting fired. ugh. hopefully get the job and not worry about it i guess lol. sheesh.

Really trying to get to NY the first week of July. So much going on that I need to take care of, I wonder if i’ll be able to go :(

I promised I wouldn’t be sad or let down if I couldn’t go though. In due time, all things prevail. so hey, i have another 3day in September if all else fails :)

Amanda is getting married soon. holee fudgin’ BAWLS man -.-
I saw her in her dress and almost had a moment. she looked sooo pretty. *sigh*
Her an Steffhen are great together. She’ll break her neck for him, and he’d do anything for her. They fit, they work, they’re happy.
I wish them all the best. Though I still haven’t gotten my dress -.-

I wish all my friends happiness. I keep them all in my prayers daily.

i pray that stinky doesn’t let his situation with “her” turn him into a bitter man. you’re too good for that. you’re a sweetheart with a caring soul. don’t change that.

PB! This week needs to hurry by in the slowest way possible. i will pray and hold a candlelight vigil until Saturday. you deserve it, it’s already yours, just go claim it! I’ve prayed on it before and will continue to do so until all test, interviews, and callbacks are done.

All 5 of my friends who are getting married, having kids, recently engaged, i pray for your happiness. tis a blessing! hope it continues. :)

To all of those who aren’t as happy, i pray for you to. Im sure once you sort things out, your time will come as well.

oh, and you to sir. dunno what’s going on, but i hope you find yourself soon. seem a distant, pal.

damn this curse of wanting everyone to be happy. oh well, good karma brings blessings.

imma go play Sims 2 now.
btw… OMGWTFAPPLESAWSE! SIMS 3 IS ABOUT TO COME OUT!
*dances up the walls like an asshat*
yayyyy !

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/ladeeda-_/feed/ 1 hi, i’m nesa… http://www.nesa-nique.net/hi-im-nesa/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/hi-im-nesa/#comments Mon, 11 May 2009 03:24:26 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=182 and i don’t know what i’m doing nor do i know where i’m going.
i just know where i wanna be.

for the last few months i have been letting go of my inhibitions and letting life take its course.

stepping outside of my box has been scary…but running away from new things will leave me left with the same old same old, and i’m all about progression. so hey, rock with it.

today is mother’s day, and i have been overly thoughtful of my life, my future, and my future family.
It’s scary and uncertain since i am in no way close to being where i thought i’d be in my life when it comes to that aspect.

a lot of females get criticized for expressing that they want a husband, kids, and all that good stuff, but a lot of us do. i want to be the wife who gets up, gets her man’s clothes together for work, get the kids ready for school, and start breakfast then head off to my own job.

that’s just me. lot of people my age aren’t thinking about anything other than fucking, sucking, clubbing, and drinking. if that’s for you, then by all means, DO YOU. but me, i feel i’m too old for that. i’m trying to build a foundation for me and mine.

i had a talk with my mom and P.B. and both points of views gave me insight and made me realize a lot of things. i feel better about things not going as planned, because i know it just means something wonderful is going to happen when everything falls into place.
thanks for the talk. :)

so, starting tomorrow i am really going to get focused on ME. you can’t build a houe if you don’t have four walls, so i am gonna start working on my side of the frame, so when the time comes, me and that person can put things together and build our foundation.

this weeks focal points:

-redo resume
-career search
-call and fax in paperwork about my student loans
-look into nursing schools, even if i have to move to go…i need to do this. (i dont think i wanna be a CMA forever. tho…it wouldn’t be bad, we get paid quite well and its still the medical field. dunno, we’ll see)
-open a separate savings account just for future planning.

i think that’s enough for now.

so yeah, good night, God bless, and all that goodness.

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/hi-im-nesa/feed/ 5 o5.o3.o9 http://www.nesa-nique.net/o5o3o9/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/o5o3o9/#comments Mon, 04 May 2009 05:39:09 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=178

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/o5o3o9/feed/ 2 4.11.09 http://www.nesa-nique.net/41109/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/41109/#comments Sun, 12 Apr 2009 06:21:46 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=171 This is kind of a long read i guess. Earlier you may have seen me post this on plurk\twitter:

Pam Beesly : mad i’m up right now. i feel so stupid with a mix of other emotions. God must be testing me, yo. This has gotta be a test of my character.
Pam Beesly: this has gotta be proof of my strength and my good heart and i swear all my loving and kind ways better pay off for me in the end.
Pam Beesly: cause i’m bout tired of beng taken advantage of and bein’ bullshitted by people for no damn reason.

this is why…

dion (4/11/2009 5:07:00 AM): What’s testing you
nesa (4/11/2009 5:09:11 AM): Man..
nesa (4/11/2009 5:10:17 AM): Lil’ before 4 something my phone starts blowin up.I don’t even check to see who it is, i just stop the ringetone, roll over and go to sleep. After about the 5th time, I look and its my ex.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:11:57 AM): I find it odd that he of all people would be calling me especially since we haven’t spoken at all in almost 5 months. I still send it to voicemail the next few times. He finally leaves a message and he’s saying it’s an emergency and to call him back.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:14:08 AM): He sounded a lil fucked up, so I call him back to see if he’s okay. He tells me he needs me to come pick him up and take him to the hospital cause his chest was hurting, he couldn’t breathe and a bunch of other shit, so i get up, get my shit on, get my daughter up, and get my dad up so i could take her over there.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:15:36 AM): i go all the way on one side of town to drop her off, another side to stop by his house and get his insurance card and a change of clothes and shit, then gotta run all the way to a different side of town to get to his moms cause that’s where he was.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:16:26 AM): the whole time he’s callin me every 5 – 10 minutes on the dot to make sure i’m comin and shit. when i finally tell him i’m on my way, he stops callin.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:17:15 AM): it took me 15 minutes from the last time i spoke to him, to get to his mom’s house. I get there and I call his cell like 5 times, call the house like 3, and i knock and ring the doorbell and i get NO answer at all.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:17:17 AM): :|
dion (4/11/2009 5:18:20 AM): Your heart is too pure
dion (4/11/2009 5:18:23 AM): I swear
nesa (4/11/2009 5:18:49 AM): But like, wtf was the point of all this.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:19:41 AM): was it a test or something. i ain’t spoke to him in any way shape form or fashion since like december and shit. and when we ran into each other a few months ago, we walked past each other and kept goin like we were strangers
nesa (4/11/2009 5:20:51 AM): so if this was a test, wtf is the point. why now, why out the blue like that. cause i know he not passed out, i know he aint dead, i just got a feelin i was bullshitted tough. aint no way he fell asleep that quick or somethin.
dion (4/11/2009 5:21:20 AM): Too good of a heart
dion (4/11/2009 5:21:30 AM): Fck niggas f’real
nesa (4/11/2009 5:22:02 AM): I just don’t get it, yo.
dion (4/11/2009 5:22:44 AM): Either he sadistic and tested ya ass or it was all just to say “yea she love me” type shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:23:18 AM): why at 4 in the damn morning tho, knowin i gotta get my baby out the bed
nesa (4/11/2009 5:23:29 AM): why after all these months
nesa (4/11/2009 5:24:00 AM): shit pisses me off knowin i got myself, my kid, and my dad up at 4 in the fuckin morning for some bullshit.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:24:20 AM): then i feel stupid cause i actually did it without hesitation.
dion (4/11/2009 5:25:15 AM): Do you still love dude
nesa (4/11/2009 5:26:22 AM): Of course I do. Dude was my fiance. but I’m not in love with him no more.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:26:57 AM): i don’t even know if i love him as much as it is that i have love for him
dion (4/11/2009 5:27:27 AM): Okay…and you guys split because…
nesa (4/11/2009 5:28:09 AM): because we were on two different pages and seemed like we were going in opposite directions, wanting different things.
dion (4/11/2009 5:28:54 AM): Hmm I understand
dion (4/11/2009 5:31:24 AM): I can’t even tell you to not be amped
dion (4/11/2009 5:31:36 AM): You are owed more than an explanation
nesa (4/11/2009 5:32:01 AM): i don’t even think im mad
nesa (4/11/2009 5:32:13 AM): im like, honestly hurt if anything. and i feel stupid
dion (4/11/2009 5:32:29 AM): Hmm I would be too
dion (4/11/2009 5:32:49 AM): Well not hurt but pissed
nesa (4/11/2009 5:33:32 AM): i think im hurt because i don’t understand the shit
dion (4/11/2009 5:42:50 AM): -.- what happened to you was full fishdicks
nesa (4/11/2009 5:43:23 AM): yeah. kinda fucked me up.
nesa (4/11/2009 5:43:50 AM): especially talkin to him and having to be concerned about him
dion (4/11/2009 5:44:14 AM): thats some “whenever we meet again” type shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:44:58 AM): like, i know what meds he take, what he’s allergic to, i know his primary doctor’s number, all his medical conditions, medical history and shit.
dion (4/11/2009 5:45:27 AM): DAYUM!
nesa (4/11/2009 5:45:36 AM): exactly
dion (4/11/2009 5:46:00 AM): you not only took care of the penis…you know what shampoo that makes his ball hairs nice
dion (4/11/2009 5:46:02 AM): pause
nesa (4/11/2009 5:46:19 AM): yeah, i knew a lotta shit about him
nesa (4/11/2009 5:46:53 AM): knew how to get in the crib and everything to get to all his shit
nesa (4/11/2009 5:47:37 AM): guess it brought up old emotions
dion (4/11/2009 5:47:53 AM): damn she had the secret key to the secret key that was located by the sniper that is protected by a bear and rupaul
dion (4/11/2009 5:48:10 AM): pause
nesa (4/11/2009 5:48:15 AM): ion like people playin on my emotions
dion (4/11/2009 5:48:22 AM): damn
nesa (4/11/2009 5:48:34 AM): especially when they know imma care about their well being
dion (4/11/2009 5:49:00 AM): -tells ___ to fall over a rock…takes photo of it
dion (4/11/2009 5:49:11 AM): knee-suh come quick -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:20 AM): lol
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:38 AM): -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:49:42 AM): shut up.
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:01 AM): shit when i hurt my hand you better drive and be there
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:08 AM): i need someone to pass me muh dranks
nesa (4/11/2009 5:56:18 AM): pffft -.-
nesa (4/11/2009 5:56:34 AM): get bendy straws mah nigga
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:48 AM): -.- if i was __________ . . . .
dion (4/11/2009 5:56:58 AM): -wheelchairs away
nesa (4/11/2009 5:57:20 AM): you would be in good hands :]

after getting some rest, i was over it. just another test of how great of a person i am, i suppose.
i would just like to thank all the dickheads and assholes, fuck ups and bullshitters who have come in and out of my life because you have done nothing but make me a stronger, more loving, and kinder person. I think you want to be bitter, but instead you all make me better. i’m sure it will pay off for me and the person who ends up actually deserving it in the end.

good night. :]

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/41109/feed/ 2 i was having a carl thomas moment… http://www.nesa-nique.net/i-was-having-a-carl-thomas-moment/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/i-was-having-a-carl-thomas-moment/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:50:49 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/i-was-having-a-carl-thomas-moment/ couldn’t sleep. bah. figured i’d share my emotional moment.


]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/i-was-having-a-carl-thomas-moment/feed/ 6 1.17.09 http://www.nesa-nique.net/11709/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/11709/#comments Sat, 17 Jan 2009 10:28:45 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/11709/ my movie experience, was horrible. sooo won’t get into that. whatever. i’ll have to watch that on my own since i was so bullshittedly distracted and couldn’t enjoy it. womp.

my week has just ultimately sucked major bawlsackage.
what a life.

he lowkey said my life is crazy. i said his is no walk in the park either.

him: you are life
me: is that right
him: yeah
him: i won’t stress it again

werd.
;]

don’t think i just forgot how we argued like an old married couple today either.

he acted like an asshole, so i got bitchy. he gets pissy, i flip out, he ignores me ALL day. he knows i hate that shit. i lay a “truth trip” on him, (yeah, cause it wasn’t no guilt shit, just realness) and leave it be.

“i don’t care”. liar… don’t i know you better than that.

came around tonight just in time, because as i said, my night sucked.

him: i guess
him: but ur annoyed
me: nah, i think im just miserable
him: yeah
him: u are
me: well, fix it.
him: how?
me: idk
me: make me happy.
him: how can I?
me: the best way you can
me: tell me a joke

*insert comic relief here*

few minutes later, i hear that ringtone, and see his face all on the G1 screen…

i answer…

(wtf… are we playin the same song, damn near same part and everything.
point number 3 billion 1 on the soul mate chart, but eh… who’s counting)

of course, the intro of random bullshittery that is him, followed by the lecture i KNEW was comin’ in response to all the crap i said to him earlier.

i wouldn’t be so confused, if you weren’t so damn confused.
as moms would say “yall better get it together”

yall ain’t ready.

i kinda lied to him tonight though. eh, he knows i can’t stop doing certain things. okay, well yeah…i can stop. doesn’t mean i won’t think about it. i can’t help it. i know what i want, i guess i just want it now. besides, if i stopped, he’d think something was wrong lol.

i shall “stop questioning shit”, as long as he does the same.

back to my “nonplan”.

hi, i’m nesa. you must not know what that means. ;]
check the evidence…

oh yeah, let the countdown begin.
hells yeah…

i’ll be back with a plan that follows the “nonplan”.

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/11709/feed/ 2 12.29.08 http://www.nesa-nique.net/122908/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/122908/#comments Mon, 29 Dec 2008 05:14:49 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=90 I’ve you haven’t noticed, my llast post is no longer there. Why, you ask? Well, simply because it was a crock ‘o shit.

Seriously, who was a fooling? If there is more than one person involved in anything, there is going to be a damn situation, and you have to consider everybody. That’s all imma say about that.

The other part, I won’t get into at all.

Hi, my name is Nesa, and I don’t know shit. I don’t know where I’m headed, but at least I know I’m headed in the right direction. I don’t know who I’m going to end up with, but i know we’ll both be happy. I don’t know when it’s all supposed to happen, but i know it will happen in due time.

I do know that life and love is not supposed to be easy by any means, but it is supposed to be simplistic. There shouldn’t be all this extra bullshit. I don’t want to be in anything where its swimming in doubt. Its okay to be unsure, but if you doubt anything, then wtf… why bother. I also don’t want to be walking into something with tons of baggage. Nobody’s gonna be at ease with any type of unresolved issues hanging over our heads. Yes, reality.

Call me indecisive. I don’t give a shit. I jumped the gun on my emotions without thinking it through. At least I thought about it. I already have issues. We all can’t be crazy and unstable.

And I’m paying people close attention, because it seems as if people are liking me for the wrong reasons. Great if you love my ass, hell I love it too, but I am more than that. I gotta watch how i respond to certain things when I like people, because that would just aid in their lust for me. I can get anybody to lust over me. That’s not what I’m looking for. Who gives a fuck about the physical. Fine, we all want someone who is easy on the eyes, can turn a few heads, but what about what’s in their hearts? Mental stability, compassion, real emotions, intelligence. Get it together.

That conversation I just had, did not go the way I thought it would, but I guess I just got some closure. I feel different now. Just as I did when I got up the other day. Who knows what will happen now. We’ll see.

Epiphany. I need to get shit together.

Everybody is working on themselves, eh? Well, my shit is pretty much together. I just need to learn how to handle my emotions better. That’s my problem. Chasing dreams when they aren’t supposed to be anything other than dreams.

one two, one two…
some dreams stay dreams, some dreams come true…

Some people really are still dreaming. Think it’s time for me to wake the hell up.

No more planning. My plan, is not to plan. Just gonna let shit roll. :smile:

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/122908/feed/ 1 12.24.05 http://www.nesa-nique.net/122405/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/122405/#comments Mon, 22 Dec 2008 16:07:12 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=78 First time you ever told me you loved me. Hadn’t even been talking a full two months, and that on top of the circumstances, I would have to say that was real deep. Especially with what was going on that day. But, none of that mattered. Not to us, anyway. We were soul-mates from the jump regardless.

sometimes I wonder if I’m getting complete honesty, yet I don’t want to assume. I don’t want to go back to friday night. I want to go back to 05, then move straight from there to 09.

I don’t care about my flaws or yours. i don’t care about what people think they know, nor do I care what they say. I just…don’t care.

I was told that I make it hard for the rest. Good. I hope I make it impossible, because I’m about to go for MINE.

Low daytime minutes won’t cut it, shits not comfortable, and no insurance as I’ve said before. You said you want to upgrade you’re plan, I’m waiting for you to call T-mobile. You can also upgrade online. Just let me know.

Can’t steal second base with your foot on first. Can we progress, please?
Either as this, or that. Lets just progress. I will not tolerate this shit in the new year.

The best plan is not to plan. The convo keeps replaying in my head, here’s our chance. You really want it, here it is.

No subliminal shit, no hiding shit, not holding back shit, no toning down shit for ANYBODY’S feelings. You asked what I suggest we do about us, I suggest we get out shit together, seriously.

I want all of you again, as long as you’re ready to give ME your all and not pieces to whoever for whatever, because you know I’m stingy as hells.

And fuck all of you who are playin me close just to keep tabs. If you wanna know what’s going on with me and anybody, nigga ASK. I’m not beat for the “keep your enemy/competition close” bullshit. I am in a new mind frame though, so please don’t underestimate me, because I am officially on my shit. So if that’s what you want…if you want what i want, you better want it more than me, and thats real talk.

yall know who yall are.

So you either gon make shit happen or watch shit happen or not know what happened. I will not be the latter two of the three.

]]> http://www.nesa-nique.net/122405/feed/ 2 why does she stay http://www.nesa-nique.net/why-does-she-stay/ http://www.nesa-nique.net/why-does-she-stay/#comments Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:40:43 +0000 nesa* http://www.nesa-nique.net/?p=57 playing Ne-Yo – Why Does She stay for the millionth time plus one

i wish you’d vibe with that, feel the words, feel me… understand.
step outside of yourself and see how much i love you
because i don’t know what else to do
and im tired of talking, wasting air
nothing more can be said, what more can i do
im tired, im exhausted, and i have to rest
competition is not my thing
begging is not my forte
i don’t want to feel stingy, needy, or clingy…
but please don’t LOSE me, i can’t be replaced
there is no insurance on me.

im afraid, because i know i care, but i’m feeling like i don’t want to anymore
scared that i’m falling out of love with you
i love you, but i’ve spent so much time being in love with you
and for long it has seemed fruitless, reward less, just exhausting
i don’t want to nag, or feel like i bother you
and when i do, i feel bad about it. why?
because someone is always going through a struggle that i may not see
but if you would talk to me and tell me, i’d know, right?

now I’m fighting myself because i care, but i feel as if its not as much
i love you, but maybe not how you love me
maybe that’s becoming equal now
because i think I’ve always loved you more
more than you’ll ever know
more than anyone that you know
even though you let them overshadow it

why do i feel bad about how i feel, when you’re messing up?

repeated. a million times plus 4.

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