when a bitch gets quiet, that’s when you should worry.

ahhhh mayne.
Tell April I said hello so I can say goodbye ;]

Seriously, who was a fooling? If there is more than one person involved in anything, there is going to be a damn situation, and you have to consider everybody. That’s all imma say about that.

The other part, I won’t get into at all.

Hi, my name is Nesa, and I don’t know shit. I don’t know where I’m headed, but at least I know I’m headed in the right direction. I don’t know who I’m going to end up with, but i know we’ll both be happy. I don’t know when it’s all supposed to happen, but i know it will happen in due time.

I do know that life and love is not supposed to be easy by any means, but it is supposed to be simplistic. There shouldn’t be all this extra bullshit. I don’t want to be in anything where its swimming in doubt. Its okay to be unsure, but if you doubt anything, then wtf… why bother. I also don’t want to be walking into something with tons of baggage. Nobody’s gonna be at ease with any type of unresolved issues hanging over our heads. Yes, reality.

Call me indecisive. I don’t give a shit. I jumped the gun on my emotions without thinking it through. At least I thought about it. I already have issues. We all can’t be crazy and unstable.

And I’m paying people close attention, because it seems as if people are liking me for the wrong reasons. Great if you love my ass, hell I love it too, but I am more than that. I gotta watch how i respond to certain things when I like people, because that would just aid in their lust for me. I can get anybody to lust over me. That’s not what I’m looking for. Who gives a fuck about the physical. Fine, we all want someone who is easy on the eyes, can turn a few heads, but what about what’s in their hearts? Mental stability, compassion, real emotions, intelligence. Get it together.

That conversation I just had, did not go the way I thought it would, but I guess I just got some closure. I feel different now. Just as I did when I got up the other day. Who knows what will happen now. We’ll see.

Epiphany. I need to get shit together.

Everybody is working on themselves, eh? Well, my shit is pretty much together. I just need to learn how to handle my emotions better. That’s my problem. Chasing dreams when they aren’t supposed to be anything other than dreams.

one two, one two…
some dreams stay dreams, some dreams come true…

Some people really are still dreaming. Think it’s time for me to wake the hell up.

No more planning. My plan, is not to plan. Just gonna let shit roll.

yep.
im tilting on, “eh”.
Lord please keep me from turning into a zombie…
im just glad to know i am not the only one to feel this way.
people are so used to me having emotional burst of insanity, that they know something is wrong when i get quiet.
this is probably my last little emotional sputter, sad to say.
i’m ’bout tired of reaching out to nothing.

Fuck it, let me unbutton the cuffs…

So if I shut up, bottle up, and let it ride
I look like a bitch, looked at as if im crazy
“whats wrong” “are you okay”
“hit me up when you in a better mood”

Okay, let me roll them up a little…

Now let me go back to putting my all in it
Being there at the drop of a dime
Try to call, text, IM, fucking smoke signal
You make it seem like im wanting too much of your space

Yeah, roll them all the way up…

Im confused, so let me just chill some, okay?
Imma fall back, let it rock and keep to myself.
Now here comes the “I love you” shit cuz you know something’s wrong
Soon as you get my attention, right back where you want me, it’s whatever.

Now imma just pull them the fuck off…

So I speak up, because I cant take this shit, can I get clarification?
I say what I want, shit I don’t ask for more than time, attention…
Maybe that’s expecting too much, so im hurt because I end up let down…AGAIN.
Say I wear my heart on my sleeve and that shit aint attractive.

Fuck it, imma just go sleeveless.

When you want someone more than you need air to breathe
Like when you want to express this ball of emotion within
But it gets stuck in the back of your throat when you try to speak
Then you choke on your own feelings
Why not just swallow your pride?

Words fail us

When the way we feel does not reflect our actions
Like when you are on the edge of not giving a damn, yet stick it out
I wanna say “im tired” “I cant do this”, yet I’m still there
I think maybe you’d make it easier if I speak up
Yet, words fail and I suck it up hoping you’d realize it and just change

Words fail us

When we do get the nerve up to say something
Then end up having to say it over and over again
And nothing seems to change in the end
And we want to just give the hell up, yet we keep talking
And our words just fall on deaf ears

Words fail us

When I try to write how I feel
And I end up with this…
And this is nowhere near how I feel…
I cant portray it…
Can’t get it out…

Words fail us

When I get frustrated as hell
walk away from my own blog and so called poem
Cuz words just fucking fail me.

Good night. Smh.