I think too much, this has been established, this is being worked on.

Viva la bloggage !
Bloggage is better than baggage. – nesa

Yeah, I like that.

Anyway, today is one of those days.
gloomy rainy, i had to be at work at 8am……..

It started last night, twin was right, I should have stayed home.
Females irk me. Imma not get into all that though.

I need to change some things in my personal life and my social life. I have noticed that people are draining me or leeching off of me. They may be able to do so in one way or another if I don’t gtfoh ya know?

The mbf asked me about a month or so ago if I ever just thought of leaving or just needed to get away. Also said I was in a fish bowl and didn’t know it. I let my fear of being alone or without a suppport system force me into coming up with excuses to avoid the obvious.
Shit, I’m awake now and seeing things in a new light. I’m about to get my Obama on and plan for change and progress. Imma start my research on some realness. I gotta do what’s best for me and the mini me and this won’t cut it. Plus I’m not gonna let all that schooling and training go to waste. If alaska called me with a nice position, benefits, and great pay, id go kick it with Palin and tell all of you to suck it easy.

i’ve been thinking about planning a trip soon. REAL soon. i’m looking for a sign saying that i shouldn’t because i have this feeling…
you ever just feel like you’re setting yourself up for failure? lol, that how i feel every time i look at plane ticket prices. like “nah, dont even buy em”

i’ve been trying to narrow it down to a few places:
-the obvious one, but i wont even go there. every time i start that topic it seems to get the run around. (thats a sign)
-philly. would be ahhhsome cuz i’d get to see shannypop and “nem” lol i do have reasons why i dont wanna go there though. at least not now.
- ny would be cool, but im not really in a nyc mood. although i could see myself getting my carrie bradshaw on again. i ‘d manhattan
-dc or va or even md, so thinkin it. i’m sure id have maddd fun if i hit that area. i could probably get some shit together. lol. could even kick it with my cousin at hampton. i’ve even been thinking about going to school there since she 1st got there. has it been a year already? idk. my other cousin thinks it would be good for me. she been sayin it since been sayin it since been sayin it !
-cali. uh… lmao. i still say fuck cali, but i may actually enjoy it. take me to some chillness, and i’ll go ! maybe. why does cali scare me? lol.
- chicago/ohio/indiana, wouldnt even feel like a trip. lol thats across the street. maybe thats what i need for now though.

maybe i need to just sit my ass down until the spring/summer time.

i think soon may be like around christmas just for a lil extended weekend ish. really, i should do that. i think i have vaca pay too. might as well, you know?

Speaking of my mbf (damn, that was a zillion lines ago. off topic much?), I think I spend too much time worrying about being edged out or focusing on who’s getting his time or attention when I myself could probably pick up the phone and call more. Why let dust collect in my faves when he’s taking up two spots. Idk why I always feel like I need permission to call him now. Maybe I’m too dependent on him. Maybe he shouldn’t talk to me as much for certain reasons. Idk. I know I don’t like being clingy or feeling like I’m bothering anyone, that’s why I keep it chill. Its not like we don’t talk, so whatever. I guess that’s just me wanting things back to how they used to be if only just somewhat the same. Things change, people change and it all happens for a reason. Sometimes its for better or worse, you just can’t tell right at the moment. If he makes more time for me, I’ll make more effort. Shit, we could not be speaking at all or on some straight messenger, two lines a day type shit. which would be worse? i cant be on no kindergarden shit.

me: “nopes, you cant play with my bess fwiend cuz him no like you”
her: “yessuhn”
him: “yesh i dew !”
her: “seeee” *sticks tongue out*
me: “soooo i was here firstttt” ;[

somebody juice box gonna get snatched, and somebody gonna get left standin alone in the woodchips.
won’t be me. i’ll go play on the monkeybars and catch ya later.

in other news…

“i wonder if id fucc this up”
hm.
that question still lingers in my head. why? because i get a bad feeling when i read it. a “its possible” on some realness type of feeling. the HOW along with it is also there too.

grumpy, sleepy, happy and doc…
I wonder wtf that was about earlier. Oh well. We’ll see. or not.

he not gonna do nothing crazy tonight. he better not do nothing crazy. i hope he dont do nothin crazy =/

I’ve been praying for him even if he does do the same things over and over again. I’ll be glad when he does what he needs to do. I just hope he does it before its too late.

I’ve been praying for her also. I just hope she does what she needs to do in order to take care of herself and her kids instead of letting people stress her or hold her back.

Been praying for myself and living life through quotes as reminders of why I do what I do and how I do it. It relieves stress, keeps me level headed, and focused.

I’m too cute to stress.
Psch.

Lmao. I blocked chrissy. I just think she needs a timeout for saying dumb shit. She just called since I didn’t text back. Wonder what that vm says.

I got an hour until my shift is over. And I got a lil over time for coming in early. Chea.

Got my G1. Mari got a few new things. I think I’ll get us both new shoes and maybe an outfit or two for me. AE has a cute little brown and tan sweater and scarf set that I was eye’n. Might get that just cuz it reminds me of a pudding cup !

People always say to act your age. Shit, I’m only 23. *takes note*

What you think you really want and really need, may not be what you need at all. So how do I stop craving it? How can I tell the difference?

Jealousy is a valueless trait, but I feel myself experiencing that emotion a lot. I don’t know why though, none of them can be n-e-s-a… guess I’m just stingy, especially when I’m not back in my comfort zone. Shit, I still question myself when it comes to dialing those numbers without prior consent. still don’t know when that happened.

i want my spot back, but shit…is it available?

Always trying to make some we time, when we both need me time

didn’t I say I was gonna stop over thinking? Shit, guess I cant help it. Maybe I need to speak up about things more. Nah, not my place.

Ahhhh, now I remember why my relationship was so convenient. Distractions !

funny how you and another female can be feeling the same shit, agreeing on the same shit, bout the same…damn…nigga. ouch.

You know, you could know that you could be the best thing for somebody, doesn’t mean they want ya ass. Lmao.

Speaking of which, if this were another time, and another situation, in another place, I could make him so happy. Dah well…

Its funny how the same love songs, the same heartbreak, the same emotion, the same stress that you feel for someone, they can be feeling it right along with you. LMAO, for someone ELSE !
Zing !

speaking of which !
aint it funny as hayulllll
how you can think something was so totally about you, and it aint?
fit you, but it don’t
can be, but it won’t
but i KNEW it. handled it like a cham-peen !
cookie cutter emotions?
maybe you were reaching?
replaced perhaps?
nah… right?
sometimes i wonder lol
would explain it !
fuckT up.
maybe i’m just looking for answers.
maybe i want something to be about me.

damn. attention whore perhaps?

I actually laughed out loud at that one right there.

Fake as friends
Lame ass lames
Nobody gets me
I wish my homie was here

wouldn’t it be nice if you could get the “buddy and the booty” ? she says jokingly.
Ha… i really didnt laugh tho !

Sometimes I think I’m annoying and irritating as fuck.
Ah well, I mean well tho…

Bitchy? Me?
So what, suck my dick.

i wonder if jamil got my message the other day?

Uhhh…
Its good to dream, but shit, when will I wake up?

Why do people never how amazing I really am? And if they do they still don’t appreciate it until its too late or I’m gone.
Not a complaint, just a realization.

i wish i could go with shan tomorrow :(

What the hell was I thinking about earlier that almost had me in tears?
I wonder if he noticed. Probably wasn’t paying attention.
Lol, I did suck that shit up quick though

i’m not cocky, or concieted. maybe a lil over confident in my way of thinking lately, but fuck if i aint earned it. i’m goin after mine.

fuck…all…that…shit…and…fuck…all…yall…too
lmfao, said it just like that ALOUD.
you better realize that.

Y’all do know tears don’t change shit?

lmfao. wtf did this text come from? new phone, no saved numbers. who in the hell???
its the country boy. should have known LMFAO. so fuckin random yo… (i was pondering that shit til i saw the area code)
my faves minutes used to go to good use when we were cool cool
i still say va sucks. population: me & you ass city. lol.
imma get my ass kicked….

sooo back to my thoughts…

Out of all the kisses…
Neck, forehead, cheek, shoulder, etc…
My lips have not felt another set of lips in forever.
That’s sad.
That’s a sign. Lmao.

am i becoming heartless?

“when a good girls gone bad, she’s gone forever”
damn, new blog coming soon…

I think lack of affection is driving me nuts. So much love to give and no one to share it with.
Its like my heart has blue balls lmao.

LMAO.

Okay, I must be sleepy.

When shit happens and you seem to not care, or you shrug your shoulders, or you just go “eh” or “=/”
You have reached “whogivesafuckphoria”

Not caring feels good, unless you really do care

I had more than a few good moments today.
Little things make me happy.
;]

i wonder when i think things, or say things out loud to you, do you hear them? lmao. that would be on some nextlevelhellyeahness!

Nesaspeak! aint that what kanTRE west called it? lmao, me likes. (lmfao, name came from that video) corona and singin dont mix! but it sure entertained me. i think that guy is HEElarious !

Plus I got my new phone today. Its dopeness.

I gotta find a way to start getting some sleep. This is out of hand. Maybe I’ll try the old way. Idk. I don’t feel like I’m there yet. slow and steady, i’m not goin nowhere.

Yeah, I’m enjoying the scenery. Letting things pass in slow motion.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password: